Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Kites and Dreams

For months I was mourning my loss ... posting about it and crying about it and trying to figure out where it went so wrong ... from the first or did it just die a death that was destined from the start. Whatever it was, it is now in my past. A couple of months ago, I gave up and I let go like a child letting go of a kite and now look to the future.

I won't regret my time with him, but will be grateful for the things I learned ... how to give my heart and soul to another and how much love I am capable of bestowing on a man.

A little over a month ago my life changed and any tears that I have these days are tears of joy. I met the most marvelous man. My darlin' P is one of the most extraordinary men that I've ever met ... romantic, straight-forward, funny, loving ... the list could go on and on. I never knew there was a man out there like him. How did I get so lucky that we found each other?

I haven't posted about it, because it was so new. I was holding the delicious feelings inside and letting them blossom and grow. I've been letting them seep into my heart and mind until they were formed enough where I could open up and pour them out into the world. Each day my feelings have grown ... with each phone call, video luncheon, webvideo and visit to his place in the country.

Those walls I was so busy rebuilding ... he went right through them with his innate honesty, musical soul and romantic heart ... like a knight on a quest. He has courted me with music and laughter ... and roses and pampering. No man has ever pampered me before, nor has any man ever gotten past my defenses so quickly to discover the heart that I keep hidden. If someone had asked me a month ago if it were possible to win my heart so quickly, I would have said it was an impossible feat. Yet my darlin' P has somehow accomplished what others have tried and never quite achieved.

The past three weekends have been experiences to delight all my senses. Riding behind him on his motorcycle ... taking wildlife pictures in his deer stand ... soaking in his hot tub ... being cooked for and served steaks and grilled onions ... sitting together on his back porch swing listening to the sounds of the breeze rustling the leaves on the trees ... meeting his friends and hearing stories about his life ... listening to music and singing to each other or dancing around the room ... sitting knee to knee, holding hands while we poured out our feelings while looking in each other's eyes ... and laughter, so much laughter and joy mixed with a bit of pain and a few tears ... my weekends have been filled with tastes, sights, sounds and smells to fill my memory folder with delicious memories, each one more precious than the one before.

Our connection continues to grow with each time together. It amazes me how in a few weeks he already knows and undertands me better than any other man has ever understood me before. He knows when he wants me to do something, all he has to do is make sure I say that "I promise" and it will be done. He knows that I am a very elemental person ... with an affinity to earth, wind, fire and water ... an affinity he cultivates and nurtures, as it feeds a part of himself. We have given each other back somethings we had both lost ... hopes and dreams.

We have given each other a future filled with those hopes and dreams. The work (actually a pleasure) has begun. Now we can work together to make plans for the future and dreams come true and to keep our love alive ... to forge a partnership that will last for the rest of our lives. Our building blocks will be love, honesty, humor, music, sharing and caring. Those blocks should build our dreams until they reach the sky.

It's time to once again break out a new kite ... and this one we can hang onto ... together.

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