I Quit

I've been a "slug" today. I did do a few "house chores", but I've mainly been watching TV and reading. I have spent the evening watching the movie "Bridges over Madison County." I'll probably write something about that later, when I've had a chance to get my mind in order and sort out the feelings that the movie set off inside me.

Anyway, I wrote this back in February of 2001. It was at a time when things just seemed like too much for me at the time. Somehow after watching the movie, this particular "musing" of mine seemed appropriate. If you have ever seen the movie, I'm sure you will understand why.

Sometimes you want to shout, "I quit". You know you won't, but it would feel good to shout it. "I quit"; even just typing the words gives a sense of relief. There are times in life when things just get to be too much. You need an outlet for the stress and for some reason those two words are just so seductive. It would be so easy to just throw up your hands and quit. Yet, we don’t.

Why, when we have been upset, let down, or stressed, do we keep coming back? Is there something lacking in us or something special in us, that keeps us keeping on when we have had more than enough? Do we have a penchant for pain or are we persistent? Is it a character flaw or strength?

If you are expecting an answer, you wont find it here, lol. I still haven’t figured it out. Today was just one of those days when I wanted to do it. I really wanted to say, “I quit." It was one of those days when I had reached the end of my rope and just couldn’t take any more. The straw had finally broken this camel’s back.

So I’m doing what I usually do, I’m hiding out. Like a turtle, I’m pulling my head back into my shell for a bit. I’ll stick my nose out in a bit when I have refreshed myself to see if the coast is clear. Then I’ll slowly and carefully come out of my shell and move forward once again. But for now, I’m safely inside my shell once again.

So, tomorrow night, I’ll take a deep breath and poke my nose out of my shell, carefully look around and crawl out. I might stretch a bit and do a recon mission to see if the coast is clear, before heading back into the fray. Hopefully I'll be refreshed and strengthened to the point where I wont be tempted to throw out those two little words, "I quit."